Looking for love by the light of the moon

Declan Foxly Werewolf

This question touches on issues of love, identity, racism and body confidence and comes from Bryan Howler, a werewolf from Wolverhampton.

Dear Declan,

I self-identify as a werewolf. I strongly believe I was born double-w in a human body. I cannot deny my feelings, after all, they don’t lie, do they? Now, I’ve been bitten. I am in love. Woohoo! She is the most perfect of creatures. Her eyes are large and brown. Her hair is smooth with a tinge or red. Her hooves are unusually high for one so sturdy and her tail is like the slow motion second hand on a hypno-clock. Her name is Deborah and she is a Shetland pony from Aberfeldy.

Declan Foxly werewolf Satire Humour Funny Absurd Questions lifes big questions
Her name is Deborah. It really suited her.

We met when I woke up in her field after a post-phase comedown from the bowels of hell. She says she loves me too but her father is furious at her attraction to a supernatural half-breed rather than one of her own species. One good bite from me and we can run with the moon together, forever. However, she will never see her birth family again! It is so difficult for us double-w’s to find love. Don’t I deserve a chance at love like everyone else? What can I do for the best?

Help me Declan Foxly, you are my only hope!

Declan’s Considered Advice to a Tricky Question

Dear Bryan,

Your question drips with the lifeblood of a thousand wandering sheep. Let’s hope they don’t come face to face with you under lunar influences!

The path of true love never runs smoothly, or so they say. They say a lot, don’t they? Things like, learn to love yourself first. Do you love yourself, Declan? Or is it only the double-w part of you that you love? The muscle rippling, heart pounding, howl at the moon side.

What about the other side, when you are not so hairy and toothy? The quieter Bryan, the one who listens to classical music and shaves every other day. Does quiet Bryan have a say in any of this?

Have you thought about species reassignment? If you did then you’d need to see a lycanthrope specialist who could handle the trickier bits of the procedure without triggering any side-effects.

And what of Deborah? Have you shared your multiple sides with her? Does she accept you for what you are? If she does then you may well have found the one.

Bryan, Only you can decide what to do. I would be cautious about making life changing decisions during shapeshifting. Also, don’t operate machinery. Listen to your heart not your stomach. I wish you all the best in your immortal quests. Two final thoughts, look out for anyone packing silver and if you are in my local area on the night of a full moon, don’t come calling!

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